I'm super lucky. I have great kids. I'm not talking about straight A's or sports superstars. That's secondary. What I mean is I really like my kids. I enjoy their company and I enjoy being their dad (most of the time). They are good kids, a pleasure to be around and we all get along. Really, can you want much more than that?
And I've been thinking about how we all got to this point. I used to say "my kids are great, it's my job not to screw them up". And I thought that was the thing. But a recent conversation with a friend struck a chord, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized what the key is...respect. And it's probably not what you are thinking, sure, my kids respect me. But the secret sauce is that I (and my wife) respect our kids. We respect their wants and needs. We don't always give them what we want. But we look at their asks with respect.
And I don't think I've ever used the phrase "because I said so". If I ask or tell them to do something, there's a reason. And if they question me, I respect them enough to give them the reason. I don't debate, I don't negotiate, but I do listen. There have certainly been times when they've disagreed with me, shared their reasons and I've done a 180 and said "OK" to whatever their side was. This shows them that I respect them and their opinions and thoughts. And in turn, they respect me back.
I started this article by saying "I'm lucky", and as lucky as I am to have these great kids, I'm also lucky because this way of parenting just seems right to me. I don't have to work too hard at it. Sure, I've screwed up. I've screamed at them when I shouldn't have. I've missed plays and games and other things, but all in, I've put in enough work so those mistakes are the exception, not the rule and the kids know it.
So next time you have one of those parenting moments, the one where you think "I'm the parent here, what do I do?", think about the most respectful way you can handle the situation and see how that works for you over the long haul.
